When we have been hurt by love, when love has let us down, and we have had our trust in it betrayed, it can be hard to let love in again.
But letting love in is an essential part of the healing process. It is an essential part of life. We are never fully healed if we cannot receive love, with doors and windows open wide, letting it flood our home. If we need to control it, contain it, and protect certain areas...we will never feel and know it's full power. We will never live our full truth.
A part of the process is reflecting on those hurts, and discerning what was a betrayal of our beliefs vs betrayal of another person vs betrayal of self can be a difficult thing to unravel... Each plays a part in how love can be set up to fail us, and understanding this is key to healing and restructuring in order to let love flow free. Understanding this also helps us face our fear that we might repeat the past...the fear that causes us to keep constant guard and restrict movement.
Here are some questions I pondered recently, and may be helpful in assessing how to help heal, reduce fear, and actively create a healthier environment for love to return and grow:
Beliefs: Are the models we are applying (often the ones we are socialized to believe in) truly representative of the connections we seek to create? It is hard work to break the mold we were shaped by, and consciously build ones that truly suit our lives... If we follow autopilot programming, what type of results do you think come with that?
Others: If our trust & love has been betrayed by another, have we internalized that? Or have we been able to find forgiveness and let go? Are there patterns of betrayal that repeat? If so, why? What source has created that as our norm?
Self: How do our expectations of "what love means", and assuming being in love is some sort of equal exchange, create foot holds for disappointment? How do we allow illusions to fill the spaces of the unknown, and what can we actively do to fill in the gaps with actual knowledge & feedback, and give space for each individual to be their own person in a relationship?
Each one of us is a unique puzzle, and only we really know how those pieces come together just right. This includes how we view what love is, and how that fits into our lives. Not everyone is the same in those aspects, but our need to connect in ways that match our ideal model is.
May we all find love, healing, and connection in the ways that balance us, and make us feel whole... <3
