Who (& why) Do We Trust?
Updated: Feb 5, 2019
To surrender is to trust...we can't let go without it. And surrender, for those who have experienced it, is a powerful pull. Surrender allows us to let down the armor, if only for a short time, and have all of the layers of ourselves revealed, all at once. In those moments we step into our full, complete self-both our power and our frailty. In those moments we hope that vulnerability will be met with acceptance from those we have chosen to show it to...
What creates trust? How do we decide who is worthy? There is a difference between the fantasy of vulnerability and what it takes, on both sides, to tear down the walls…
Money does not buy this. Money buys time...entertainment...and outlet for individual need...but not trust.
Trust takes time. Trust extends beyond a scene. Trust is cultivated through trial, and sometimes error. Trust is a true bond.
This is yet another example of where the conflict of what our soul craves fights against the ways we try and compartmentalize where and how we sometimes choose to get our needs met... We seek outlets that satiate certain hungers, but often focus on the details of the fantasy, on the surface, instead of understanding what it is we truly seek.
And this extends beyond professional companionship. People do this in all sorts of ways, everyday, in all aspects of how we approach and engage relationships.
Our ability to understand and make space for all the layers we have inside is based on many factors. How were we raised? What have we been taught? What behavior has been modeled to us? What has been encouraged/discouraged? What/who are we surrounded by? How have we been loved? How have we been hurt? What stories have we created to try and understand things that are often more complex than those narratives can convey?
And if we stumble upon someone who helps show us what vulnerability actually feels like without understanding the depths of what we seek, it can be hard to figure out where to put that… Which can make us lock it up when it doesn’t fit into the neat compartments we have created... Or attach more to a person or situation than what we sometimes should, because these awakenings can be oh so powerful! And if either/both parties are not aware, or adept, as navigating new layers that are revealed, this can feed those past narratives that we created...the ones which can limit access to what is trying to come out-the deeper layers of self.
These words are not meant to criticize anyone’s path or chosen outlets, or as a call that anyone should be doing anything different, per se… This is more as a planting of seeds. I believe we gravitate towards what we are able to handle and process, and what serves us now, and that is as it should be. If one just got certified to give CPR that doesn’t mean they should run an emergency room. To try and jump ahead on any path misses important steps.
All of us, myself included, evolve at our own pace, in our own time. Our choices reflect the subconscious self-regulation of that journey. As I understand my own journey with trust and vulnerability, I share these words in hopes they may help someone else out there understand parts of their own path better. And as a professional companion and coach, I use this knowledge to help others find the layers they are ready for through this mindfulness, intention, and care.
Compartmentalizing can be useful and serve a purpose in organizing our lives, but if what you truly seek is more than entertainment, the choice of who you engage with, and what you bring to the table beyond the tribute, will create the results you harvest.