The Lessons in Dreams
Last night I had a dream about dating someone new. This person was rich, handsome, charming and accomplished. An exciting new endeavor, right? But in my dream, in the back of my head, I had that low level feeling that I was not worthy of this man somehow. That I was dating outside the level I should be playing at, and that I was not going to be able to fully gain or hold his attention because of it. I lacked confidence in who I was, and what I brought to the table, beyond the exterior (as was shown to me in the initial details about the dream). As the dream played out, he showed me his focus was not on the exterior, but about seeing beyond that. Nonetheless, I carried around that nagging doubt…
Who knows that feeling I’m talking about? I’ve experienced it at various times in my life, often ignoring what it really means, and how it influences the paths I choose, and outcomes I experience. This doesn’t happen all the time when I date, only when I have been interested in someone who feels “out of my league”. That feeling is a signpost showing where some work needs to be done, perhaps indicative of what is going on at at that moment in time (as a result of other things happening just prior, and still needing to process that for instance), or perhaps showing a message that it is time to change out of old programming. But there is an undeniable tension it creates between what we want and are striving for, versus what we think we are capable of (or what we think we are worthy of…) receiving.
Fear is not always obvious or evident, or shown to us in the more direct ways we might feel it during violent or traumatic experiences. Sometimes fear is an internal nagging that keeps us small, limits seeing our full capacity, or blocks us feeling worthy and valued...even though we ALL have imperfections and flaws, including CEOs, celebrities and others accomplished in their fields. Fear is what keeps us from asking for a raise or a promotion. It is what makes some think they must be perfect at everything they do in order to even TRY doing it-rejecting anything where they fear making a mistake. This is what keeps some from holding out for a partner that both challenges and enhances life instead of settling for comfort that neither threatens, nor inspires, creating isolation from engaging love in deeper, more fulfilling ways. (which can happen being perpetually single, but also in committed partnerships...)
I have even had prospective clients tell me how much they aspire to meet me, but that they need to “work on making themselves better” in some way before they can book a date...which usually never happens. I know what that means when they say that, and know that yeah, they might not ready to meet me, but not for the reasons they think (weight, skills, or intellect often being the reason cited...none of which are part of my screening requirements). To those of you out there who think that: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU, EXACTLY AS YOU ARE! XOXO You do not need to change yourself to be worthy of spending time together...really! And I hope one of the things you can get from rejecting that idea is a first step to understanding your worth beyond what you think you need to provide or perform for me (or anyone else) in order to be validated. For those that need it, I want to help you love yourself, just as you are. <3
As the dream continued, we ended up at a restaurant with a number of my friends joining us. We were raucous, and having a good time. My new suitor was relaxed and open. One of my girlfriends was sitting next to him, and during the course of the festivities, cuddled up into his arm. He was not making moves, but more enjoying the familiarity of the group. I suspected she might have just been seeing if she could entice a fling, so I lightheartedly told her not to get too comfortable... It was the turning point, not due to wanting to own or control him, but not wanting to passively let an opportunity pass me by.
She got up to playfully join the others dancing, and I settled in next to him instead. It felt natural and connected, even though I still was in the same state as when I started the dream (basically unshowered, in a bathrobe, dirty hair and no makeup). He was smitten. He was interested in me, as a whole...beyond my exterior, and including my social circle. He not only didn’t care that we never got around to finding me a shower or new outfit before going out, he was turned on by my natural state and smells once we were in private...the vulnerability actually intrigued him more, and allowed him to be vulnerable in ways he had not been able to experience before with anyone else. Me embracing my own vulnerability allowed him to do the same.
From there we played, and we made love, but all without the pressure of being perfect or needing to find safety through defining what we were doing. It was merely a moment of unabashed connection and presence, to which there was no need to create an ending. In it I learned to recognize and shift fear to love, which is bigger than any story line or program about what comes next.
While I have mastered many things in life, I know enough at this stage to understand that fear can try to creep back in any time if you let it. The gift of this dream is recognizing where the fear comes from (internally, often when feeling vulnerable or lacking a sense of self-worth), and knowing *I* always have the power to choose what energy I operate from, and how that influences the outcome.
And you do too. I hope those reading this know that, and if not, I hope this helps you see that possibility. Keep dreaming, while awake and asleep... Both the conscious and unconscious can help us find and create the lives we want in our hearts and souls. Follow those messages and lessons.
In love and light,