top of page
  • Writer's pictureDaphne Dixon

Squandered Resources

The first time I started to become aware of my ability to engage and move energy was only a few years ago (maybe 6 or 7?).  I was at a conference with lots of sexy people, and I had set up a FMF threesome with a girlfriend and a twitter crush (my GF was already acquainted with the twitter crush on her own…). During the initial foreplay of the scene, the male easily recognized and picked up on something I always just kind of viewed as normal, saying that I really could move erotic energy around…  That comment has stuck with me over the years, but it has only been over these past few years that I have gotten serious about what that really means.

For so long, because I viewed it as “normal” to feel and engage multiple layers of connection during sex, I always assumed it was a by-product of the chemistry, not something I could cultivate or control. The most powerful connections created the hottest scenes, but I never stopped to consider what was truly fueling those exchanges, and in what order? I always assumed it had more to do with the unique chemistry of the players and the moment, and that the other layers of energy flowed from that, not considering other variations (such as whatever energy was ripe in me at the time, bringing out & engaging someone more so on a particular occasion…as one example).  I always assumed it could not be conjured, and was guided by its own dictate: the chemistry.

I had no idea that, while energy can be heightened by a partner (or partners…), that I also had the ability to cultivate that energy on my own, with no one else involved. I reacted to it instead of actively creating it.  And certainly I had no concept of how to really harness or mindfully “move” energy, even though the male friend recognized otherwise. Any movement that was happening lacked direction and control…and as pleasurable as that all can still be, squandered its full potential.  There has been much I have left unused and wasted in this regard over the years…MUCH… 

But those words stuck with me all this time…and as I have evolved, and cleared a lot of debris out of my path, I finally am starting to grasp the breadth and depth of the potential…MY potential…not only in the moment of actual play and synergy, but also beyond that, in the lingering after-effects.  When we develop a deeper connection to self, these are the types of things that we discover and start to understand better. The ability to manifest and heighten body sensations….the ability to use that cultivated energy to connect and jump start another person’s energy…the ability to move pleasure beyond specific body parts to raise ecstatic ecstasy to the full body and beyond…the ability to use the energy to fuel creative outlets and ambition in other areas of life…and the ability to ground and heal ourselves to keep the flow perpetually circulating, but not distracting or destructive.

And now I am also starting to have that same recognition given to me back then in my awareness of certain lovers….  Like where I was then, many don’t recognize what is already right at their fingertips…or on the tips of their tongue…because we have been taught to only think of sex as an act that is finite…  We are socialized to think of the act of sex in terms of a start and finish, not in the elaborate tapestry that weaves into the very fiber of our being, on all levels, helps us connect to ourselves, others and the world at large, beyond a current sexual state…. We have not fully embraced how to use it mindfully for healing, deepening our relationships, or finding & fueling a deep sense of passion, purpose and fulfillment in life.

So many trip over this energy, and take it for granted.  Many are afraid to look at it too deeply, as if direct examination will scare it away.  And most of us just plain and simple don’t know what to do with it…even if we recognize it, we have no clue how to move it, use it, or channel it.  We don’t believe in our power to do such things. It seems like hocus pocus…new age mysticism or magic that is all just an illusion…

I can understand how this stands in the way of logic. I have always been a very logic-based thinker. I want like things to make sense. I want a reason why.  I want a sense of logic and reason I can follow…the dots need to connect somehow. But I have to remind myself that, as much as we might think our advances as a species have most of the basic framework of things figured out, there is still MUCH we don’t know and understand…and there are narratives we have created about why things are the way they are can often be placeholders of comfort for the things that would scare the shit out of our ill-equipped and limited minds. I mean, the Universe continues to grow and expand…but into WHERE??  Into WHAT?? We have no fucking clue… We need framework and boundaries to feel safe, and the universe really has none…so we limit what we think about, and therefore what we are capable of understanding.

To understand what is possible, you have to be able to examine and study the things you have no words for…the things you can only understand through doing, and through the awareness you can only develop when you stop looking for logical explanations from others, and start developing and trusting your own intuition.

My hope is that this offering can be the spark of that for some, much like that casual comment was for me so many years ago. I see the energy out there….I see it in many people I meet.  It’s never too late to start that journey, and is one that, when honored, brings gifts you never imagined.

Always consider your steps and pace…but push to know more. There are so many layers we ignore, thinking we have it all figured out. We don’t. We understand nothing except how to follow the rules and formulas others have laid out before us. There is more…I promise you…there is more…

In love and light,

Daphne <3

12 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page