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  • Writer's pictureDaphne Dixon

Evolution Through K!nk

Our fantasies and erotic triggers are created from our life experiences. Our nervous system, including our brain (which is what processes the sensations we feel in our bodies), gets formatted from a variety of experiences, not always sexual. Our brain then seeks to recreate anything that made an impression, and/or created patterns. Because the brain is lazy, and likes patterns over constantly having to start from scratch. Those patterns can be healthy or not..the brain doesn’t really care. It just likes to travel the paths in our nervous system that have already had the most use. The brain does not judge, or care about what is right or wrong, it just wants to repeat. Understanding this can help us understand that our fantasies, while important signposts of understanding, are not intrinsic.

With fantasies, especially the most powerful ones, we often repeat them as well because of the pleasure reward we find there. Pleasure is a highly motivating training tool, right? This reinforces certain patterns, not only in our thoughts & feelings, but also in our nervous system. Sometimes our fantasies and erotic triggers can be tied to non-sexual patterns, created by other past experiences. Sometimes they can be a response to self-soothe, and find relief, from an excess of stress built up in our nervous system. If we are not aware of that other stress building up, and what creates it, fantasies and sexual pursuits can become the pattern we use to defuse stress, and become a pattern we become dependent upon.

And while there is nothing wrong, per se, in these patterns, going on autopilot and letting them take over can reduce the ability to evolve...or adapt as our bodies, relationships, feelings change, or when those patterns eventually lose their erotic charge & luster.

There is nothing *wrong* with this, but when we are not aware of the patterns that get created in this repetition, dependence, or even addictions, can be created. Imagine then, what happens when our bodies change throughout life, and no longer respond the same? Or our ability to find a partner to engage with is limited? Masturbation and self-exploration can be an option, but also can create patterns of self-isolation, as well as further engrain patterned response in our nervous system. Engaging with others can offer the opportunity to be challenged or inspired, as there are always more variables that come into place when engaging with others.

The good news is that pleasure is an excellent training tool! As is pain (insert evil grin…), which is not always physical, and can be created in our mental & emotional struggles. Even just pleasure alone can lead us to unexpected pain, as we yearn for something more, something we can’t have, or lose access to what is a main source of pleasure.

But when consciously used together (pleasure & pain, punishment & reward) they can be highly effective in breaking patterns, and learning to be more present. And when we start to become more present is when we can start to be fully aware of our lives, and take them off autopilot. We stop allowing the patterns we grew up with making the choices for how our lives are directed, and start to recognize & create the things that call from our soul-the place that is our true self, and is the center core of our spirit. This is where our power source lies: the fire and hot lava that has the potential for great creation, as well as destruction, just like the core of our Earth.

Do you want to tap into that vital life source? Or does it scare you? Certainly it is something that must be done with care, and patience. The journey of knowing ourselves is a unique path we must all uncover at our own pace, in our own time. Exploring our fantasies, and using the creative energy found in sexual explorations, especially in various forms of kink, can help us connect with that source, and knowing, within.

And when we make those connections, anything becomes possible...which is scary. Because then we understand that WE have the power to create the lives we want, and can no longer make excuses or blame other circumstances for our limitations.

When you are ready to take the next step, you will know. And when you know, I will be here to help if, and where, I can.

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