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  • Writer's pictureDaphne Dixon

Beyond Pleasure: Cultivating Intimacy Protects Our Continued Evolution

Intimacy is tough...and scary. Intimacy requires vulnerability, and that takes courage. We have not been brought up in a culture that teaches this by default, therefore many people struggle to get this need met.

Many of my clients search for this as a part of our interaction. I seek this element in how I approach my work as well. I have always seen beyond the exciting layer that is most obvious on the surface, and recognized the potential lying in wait in the layers below. The surface is the entry point...and where the initial connection is made...but it is

what we do with that energy, both during and after, that reveals the full potential waiting in those deeper layers...

There is an art in cultivating these connections, to self, as well as with others… Ones developed over time, honing skills of instinct, trust, and communication. Ones that require us to see/hear/feel deeply in our own bodies, and sense/interpret the messages we are receiving. While I think it is possible to feel the energy of another when they are not in front of us, the most powerful way to assess and share energy is face to face (and I will die on that hill defending this point).

Tech alternatives for connecting make it easy to choose avoiding cultivating deeper levels of intimacy (often subconsciously…), and perhaps at times masking the loss we feel when we have less direct interaction. As increasingly complicated lives make it harder to make time to interact in person, virtual options seem to offer a solution. But is it?? What kind of solution is it, exactly?

a man and woman embracing looking at their mobile phones over the other person's shoulder
Banksy - Mobile Lovers

This is important stuff to pay attention to, as we are smack dab in the middle of culture shifting us away from a fundamental part of our human nature: feeling connected to a larger tribe & community, not just operating & trying to survive in the world alone.

These shifts online will impact us as humans more than we realize if we don’t fight to balance it. If we are not vigilant, we will be trained to do most things online, having less and less energy left for interacting in any meaningful way with the humans around us, the ones most available to cultivate and practice intimacy with. Which relationships will we choose to invest in? The ones compartmentalized, scheduled, 2 dimensional &/or animated via computers? Or the ones that we have to see and feel in front of us as we lose confidence and skills in how to navigate those exchanges as we are pushed more and more to interact online?

Sure, we will adapt, as we always do...for a time…(or so it will seem). But I believe, in the bigger picture, this will be where we cross a line we cannot come back from...the path that will eventually lead to the destruction of our species. I am not trying to sound hyperbolic here, but consider for a moment: how will we be able to navigate and negotiate the divides we already see happening right now as we see the skills on how to relate, communicate and connect continue to erode? It is easier to tell someone to fuck off online than it is face to face. It is easier to not see or feel their need is as valid as our own when we are not looking in their eyes, and seeing/sensing the importance conveyed directly. Being in a room together makes a difference.

And maybe that is our destiny, collectively...that we are only supposed to be here for a certain amount of time, and it is now time to start making way for what comes next on this planet…perhaps the next evolution of our species? Something that has a better ability to stay connected to the planet, and each other...something that stays connected to foundations as it evolves, and never sacrifices the roots for the stars… Perhaps it is time to start the process of our full demise...but I am not co-signing that plan or path, regardless of whether or not I can stop it. I am going to stay true to the deeper need I feel to stay plugged in to humans, and nature, even as I use the tools of technology. I am going to stay present to find the balance. I am going to share my energy to remind others to *think* and *feel* and be present in their choices as best they can, so we can try to get as much as we can out of this one wild and wondrous life.

I hope you come join me...xoxo

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