As we all navigate changes in our human interactions, one of the questions that comes to mind for me is how important is kissing for creating intimacy? Is it an activity that is really needed for creating intimate connection, or is it just one that is so ingrained in our human interactions that it feels impossible to separate out? And will kissing take on new meaning now if/when we do decide to share this type of connection with others?
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Daphne Dixon
Jun 22
How important is kissing?
How important is kissing?
Or even just creating the spark of passion? For some, kissing is a way to set the tone and tempo of the passion explored...but intimacy is not at the forefront of why it is enjoyed.
Are there other things that kissing helps create for you?
For me kissing is. essential in foreplay and continued arousal. Sex acts without kissing result in a diminished experience and seem less intimate
Oscar😘
Thanks for your input Oscar! I tend to agree. 😘😘 It's super weird for me to even think about how to be intimate and NOT kiss! But I also think that has to do with years of programming that have ingrained that behavior/association, and makes it difficult to give up. The same challenges can sometimes be experienced with condom use, for those who are used to not using condoms (or not very often), and associating unprotected sex as being more intimate.
Our brains like to hold on to the patterns we have created by default (in most of our behaviors), so sometimes the conflict we feel in looking at things from a different perspective, or trying to make changes, feels like we are challenging our authentic needs. But sometimes it is really just our brain wanting to be lazy and revert to the old programs we have become accustomed to... I think it's important to take ourselves off autopilot for a minute and examine these things on a deeper level, and weigh what we *think* we need against risks to our health and safety.
We also have major cultural programming that contributes to how people feel about kissing, and what kissing means to each of us. This is not to discount the real ways that kissing can convey friendliness, emotion, passion, and also connect an energetic exchange between those who share them, but let's be real: the movies, media, and observation of those around us also contributes to the current blueprint we have for this (even though blueprints can always be updated).
If we are not able to find long term solutions and protections against COVID-19 (or any other possible life-threatening viruses that emerge...), we are going to need to ask ourselves: what does that mean for how I interact with others? Will we ignore the risks, and let the current blueprint dictate our actions, or will we try to update the blueprint to reduce or eliminate risk? And if it's the latter, will be choose to lament those changes and create suffering/conflict, or become curious about finding new ways to create similar response/feelings, but in ways that have less risk?
This is not an easy process for me, as I communicate in all kinds of ways with my mouth... ;-) It is an extension of how I connect with others, verbally as well as non-verbally, and certainly energetically via direct contact. It's a part of how I cast spells...but it is not the ONLY way I cast spells. I am not ready to give it up, but I am thinking about risk reduction, and cultivation of alternatives and untapped potential. I hope to keep this conversation going to discuss those options, and to expand each of our options for connecting. 💑🌱👨❤️👨🌼👩❤️👩 🌈
It's everything. Why even bother with the rest? Unless there's money involved.
So much can be communicated that way, when two people are in sync especially...💞🌡️🔥 But I also think A LOT can be conveyed from the perspective of having a little distance as well, and sharing intense eye contact, whether directly engaged, or even when partners are masturbating together, a little big a part from each other.
I sort of miss that experience from my early days doing lingerie modeling... One of the places I worked in had private rooms, but the desk person patrolled to keep activity legal. And mutual masturbation was considered legal, as long as there was a certain distance between parties once pants came off... (you could do lap dances while dressed). Was it the same as other ways of sharing connection and intimacy? No, but it still had it merits in that setting, and I feel could be explored more in other contexts to maybe find footholds for safer options/alternatives with non-fluid bound partners.
Eye-gazing is something talked about more directly in tantric practices for connection, but anyone who has ever held the gaze of someone for an extended amount of time, in any setting, knows how powerful this can be, and how much can be conveyed without words, or certainly when paired together with communication. (I want to talk more about aural sex & communication re: intimacy another time, as I think that also has untapped potential to elaborate on...just trying not to totally go off on a tangent...lol)
And just thinking out loud here (brainstorming for the sake of stimulating ideas/options-not anything else): this makes me wonder if there might be a resurgence with peep show type offerings, where there is glass between an adult performer and patrons? And if the safety issues will have some seek out this type of outlet to feel the energy of an "in person" exchange that is not as strong via cam, even if it's not the same as more intimate settings... There are some things you just can't do on the internet, and the primal reading/responding to other's FULL energy is one. Consider how one might have the ability to feel an exchange of touch, or even a kiss, better through glass than one would via computer screen...and as long as the glass was clean, be safe for all involved.
Here is an alternative thought as well: let's bring back HAND-KISSING! Obviously with clean hands, but as a safer option for showing affection and intimacy, or even devotion & worship. Consider how eye-contact can be better used and appreciated from this perspective as well. One can take in a larger perspective, but still use the eyes to convey mood/meaning/intention. The slight distance could actually help create a different type of intensity, or force those who might traditionally close their eyes during kissing, to instead open up their eyes and better connect to their partner through eye-gazing.